Expanding our Understanding of Loss
Grief and Loss: More Than Death
Loss is something everyone experiences at some point in life, yet many people are taught—directly or indirectly—that grief only applies to death. In reality, you can grieve many kinds of losses, even when no one has died. These experiences can be just as painful, confusing, and life-altering.
If you have ever wondered whether your pain “counts” as grief, you are not alone. Many losses go unrecognized or minimized, which can make healing feel even harder.
Losses You May Be Grieving Without Realizing It
Loss is not limited to death. You may be grieving experiences such as:
Losing a job or sense of financial stability
Losing housing or a sense of safety
The end of a relationship or important connection
Changes in your body, health, or abilities due to illness, injury, or aging
Loss of freedom, rights, or time (such as incarceration or long-term illness)
Because these losses are not always openly acknowledged, you may feel unsure whether it is “appropriate” to grieve them—or feel pressure to move on quickly.
Ambiguous Loss: When There Is No Clear Ending
Some losses are especially difficult because they lack closure. This is known as ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss can leave you feeling stuck, confused, or emotionally exhausted because there is no clear resolution.
There are two common forms:
Physical absence with emotional presence: Someone is no longer physically present in your life, but they remain emotionally significant. This can happen with estrangement, divorce, incarceration, deportation, or disappearance.
Physical presence with emotional absence: Someone is physically present, but changes in memory, personality, or behavior mean they no longer feel like the person they once were. This may occur with dementia, brain injury, addiction, or chronic illness.
With ambiguous loss, you may find yourself cycling between hope and grief, unsure how to move forward when the loss is not clearly defined.
Nonfinite Loss: Grief That Continues Over Time
Nonfinite loss refers to losses that do not have a clear endpoint. Rather than being something you “get over,” this type of grief can resurface again and again.
You may be experiencing nonfinite loss if:
The loss is ongoing, with no clear resolution
The loss disrupts expected life milestones or roles
You are grieving unrealized hopes, dreams, or versions of life you expected
Examples include infertility, permanent disability, or chronic health conditions. These losses often come with ongoing uncertainty and can leave you feeling disconnected from others whose lives seem to follow a more predictable path.
When Grief Is Not Recognized by Others
How others respond to your loss can deeply affect how you experience your grief. Some losses are minimized or misunderstood by society, which can leave you feeling alone.
For example:
Miscarriage is often treated as something to quickly move past, even though it may feel like the loss of a child and a future you were imagining.
Parental incarceration can leave children and families grieving a loved one who is still alive, while stigma makes it hard to talk openly or seek support.
When your grief is not recognized, it can be harder to give yourself permission to mourn.
How Therapy Can Help
You do not need your loss to fit a traditional definition in order to deserve support. Therapy can provide a space where your grief—whatever form it takes—is named, validated, and explored at your own pace.
Working with a therapist can help you make sense of complicated feelings, reduce isolation, and find ways to carry your loss while continuing to move forward. If any of this resonates with you, you do not have to navigate it alone.
If you are noticing grief, loss, or complicated emotions that feel hard to name or carry, therapy can be a supportive place to explore them. We invite you to reach out to learn more about our approach or to schedule a consultation when you feel ready.
Written by Eva Allison, MA
Resident in Counseling